Its been a long time since I have written anything. I have started many posts, but they all sit, unfinished and unorganized in my drafts folder (which seems to be an overarching theme in my life lately). I try to figure out if this blogging venture is just another thing in my life that I start but never finish, I tend to do that a lot. Part of why I wanted to jump into blogging is because I wanted to push myself, but that has not happened....yet anyway.
Everytime I walk away from an unfinished post, I feel frustrated and find myself blaming it on writer's block. But its not writer's block at all. Trust me, I have a lot to say - too much to say, really. I am dying to put it all out there. I dream of writing something so honest and so raw that it moves the 2-3 people that might actually read this blog.
So what is stopping me? After reflecting on this for weeks, I have decided that I am afraid of offending someone I know in real life. As much as some might see me as strong, opinionated and often bitchy...there is a big part of me that is a people pleaser, that cares too much what people think and most of all, doesn't want them to know what really goes on in my head.
The other issue is that I am a control freak, I have been wanting to find find my niche or develop a theme for this blog. I haven't wanted to post until I have laid out my vision and my plan for this site. Because just like many other things in my life, I have such great anxiety about letting things just develop on their own, letting life or this blog develop a theme naturally.
So, here is my new pledge. I am going to be open, I am going to put forth the best that I can and let things HAPPEN ON THEIR OWN. I have to believe that just like many things in life, I will get out what I put in to it.
