Remember the saying, "second place is the first loser" well that's how I feel right now... I feel like a big fucking loser. Yes, I am in one of those moods where I want to write about how I feel like a big failure, that life is a bitch, and rejection can take its sorry ass and go straight to hell. Whoever said rejection makes you stronger is just some asshole that had a really good pharmacist. Because this sucks, I feel like shit and I don't know what's next.
How is that for a blog post?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Why wait?
Its been a long time since I have written anything. I have started many posts, but they all sit, unfinished and unorganized in my drafts folder (which seems to be an overarching theme in my life lately). I try to figure out if this blogging venture is just another thing in my life that I start but never finish, I tend to do that a lot. Part of why I wanted to jump into blogging is because I wanted to push myself, but that has not happened....yet anyway.
Everytime I walk away from an unfinished post, I feel frustrated and find myself blaming it on writer's block. But its not writer's block at all. Trust me, I have a lot to say - too much to say, really. I am dying to put it all out there. I dream of writing something so honest and so raw that it moves the 2-3 people that might actually read this blog.
So what is stopping me? After reflecting on this for weeks, I have decided that I am afraid of offending someone I know in real life. As much as some might see me as strong, opinionated and often bitchy...there is a big part of me that is a people pleaser, that cares too much what people think and most of all, doesn't want them to know what really goes on in my head.
The other issue is that I am a control freak, I have been wanting to find find my niche or develop a theme for this blog. I haven't wanted to post until I have laid out my vision and my plan for this site. Because just like many other things in my life, I have such great anxiety about letting things just develop on their own, letting life or this blog develop a theme naturally.
So, here is my new pledge. I am going to be open, I am going to put forth the best that I can and let things HAPPEN ON THEIR OWN. I have to believe that just like many things in life, I will get out what I put in to it.
Everytime I walk away from an unfinished post, I feel frustrated and find myself blaming it on writer's block. But its not writer's block at all. Trust me, I have a lot to say - too much to say, really. I am dying to put it all out there. I dream of writing something so honest and so raw that it moves the 2-3 people that might actually read this blog.
So what is stopping me? After reflecting on this for weeks, I have decided that I am afraid of offending someone I know in real life. As much as some might see me as strong, opinionated and often bitchy...there is a big part of me that is a people pleaser, that cares too much what people think and most of all, doesn't want them to know what really goes on in my head.
The other issue is that I am a control freak, I have been wanting to find find my niche or develop a theme for this blog. I haven't wanted to post until I have laid out my vision and my plan for this site. Because just like many other things in my life, I have such great anxiety about letting things just develop on their own, letting life or this blog develop a theme naturally.
So, here is my new pledge. I am going to be open, I am going to put forth the best that I can and let things HAPPEN ON THEIR OWN. I have to believe that just like many things in life, I will get out what I put in to it.
Monday, May 17, 2010
I hate the phrase "bucket list"....
but I really like the idea of keeping a list of all the things I want to do. I like the idea because my memory is already starting to go and I can't ever think of things I want to do, but more importantly, I am a list person and more than ever, I LOVE crossing things off my list. I think its good for my self esteem or something, to see that I am actually doing something productive with my days and/or my life. So without further ado, here is my life list(and it will be ongoing):
- rent a paddle boat or canoe on lake calhoun and go around isles and cedar lake too
- take my picture by the golden gate bridge
- learn how to play craps (preferably with a cute guy)
- run a 5k
- go to a broadway show
- go to mardi gras in new orleans
- visit the empire state building
- ride on a harley (preferably behind a hot man)
- learn how to sail
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